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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Let's back up. Let me take a step so far back that I'm teetering on the edge of this cliff. Teetering, like the way you have me dangling by a fucking string. I'm like a fucking puppet. Goddamn. I'm not coming out of this box 'til everyone's forgotten me. My thoughts will be secluded elation's. Opportunity after opportunity, on and on and on, and who is here, and who is gone? You make me nervous. Night sweats and cold water. Running makeup and disheveled bedsheets. Fuck you. I'll take ignorance over being SO SCARED. I'm stuck on you. That's all. I pick up this shit and keep walking, like to think I'm strong. I'm not strong. Heartbreak, to the tenth degree, and; what doesn't kill you, simply keeps nagging you until it does. Slowly ebbing at you until your a pathetic pile of shit.This ought to be a welcome vacation. - Ay, Ryden lovers. Fast forward to, like, 1:11. Brendon slurs "than any boy you'll ever meet" to any "girl you'll ever meet". Monday, January 19, 2009
NRGHHHHH SO MUCH CRYING.I hate how all of the cast acted like they were so happy to let it go. I guess it could get really hard and tiring, but sers. You'd think they grew up a lot because of QAF. BUT RANDY! Omfg, you can tell he's sad. Interviewer: "How does it feel to say goodbye?" Randy: "It'll be fine for me... eventually." Thursday, January 8, 2009
 pain as much from the stars and black cats as from childhood. big star states spit big stars. chew 36 times exactly before you swallow your pride. you know how it goes? i want to chase the midnight glow in my veins. how do i get as big as that star on your state so youll pay attention to me. smash that glass bowl on the floor and get our keys. lets drive to another state or to mexico and watch the old men drunk on watered down beer- laugh about the way we used to be even though were still exactly the same. where do we begin? lonely spiders under our skin, regail us with tales of young love in the bottom of bottles defended by crocodile scales. this place can spin boring. slow and steady. it can storm and scare you. wars and famine. but everyonce in awhile the planets align and it can charm you. make you not wish you were other people, but hope you get the chance to know them so they can know you too. make you not hate the delay at the airport but get to know that your friend on the phone is gonna be able to finish the whole 3am story he was skipping through for you. Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Being a girl is so unfortunate. Mother nature is a bitch.I'm seriously considering home-schooling or something. I am so over the teenie drama and being called ugly every day. The fucking jokes and being made fun of and the bullshit curriculum. I shouldn't have ever left SBEC last year. Fucking me and my "grass is always greener" thinking. I walked in Bio today to a new teacher. She's 34 and is married to a 26 year old. She got knocked up at 18 and the baby daddy went to prison, and this guy she's married to is his parole officer. Her kid, Marayna Fayette Clark Oliver (I kinda love that name), is second chair flute in the Virginia Symphony. How fucking awesome is that? I love having ~loose teachers. Not like... vagina loose. But easy-going loose. I need to lay off the QAF. I've been taking art lessons at school, and I was to draw to characters from my favorite movie/TV show. So I drew Brian and Justin at the prom. The picture turned out really well though. I might scan it and put it on here. Bleurgh. Friday, January 2, 2009
 Sometimes I wonder if a birthday is one step closer to death or another year of life. I would say life but to be honest, I couldn't feel more dead if I tried. Numb. Like there's nothing in the world that can get to me because you've taught me to be carved out of stone. I hate you for that, I do. I hate you for a lot of things. I forgive you, really I do, but I just can't forget. I wasn't easy to forgive, but it's a hell of a lot harder to forget. I can't forget when all I want is you. That was my birthday wish, you know. To be yours. If I do recall, that one time I threw 30 pennies into the fountain at the mall, I said your named every time it hit the water. Oh, and that time I saw a shooting star? Your name flashed across the sky in a trail of star dust. I'm gonna go ahead and tell the whole goddamn internet because I know it won't come true anyway. You never do. And this was not how I wanted to spend my birthday. I shouldn't have lay down last night at 6 AM and immediately start to cry. I shouldn't have had the playlist on my iTunes entitled "sad" blasting in my ears. I shouldn't have been getting up every 10 minutes for a tissue because I couldn't stop crying. I shouldn't have had you on my mind. I should've been excited about what presents I was going to get. I should've been thankful this is a fresh start for me. I should've been happy about the birthday decorations adorning the house. I should've. But somehow, these days, you have come before everything else. I want to forget. I love you, now I want to forget you. |
forever young;
my name is lauren. just a kid. not unique, just unusual. bandom fangirl. hypochondriac. afraid of moths. southern you'd like to fuck (;. fall out boy. can piss in under 20 seconds. d.o.b.; january 2nd. html whiz.
caffeine addict. single, uninterested. livejournaler, facebooker, myspacer, tumblr'r, blogger, neopeter. plays piano and clarinet like a motherbitch. noel fielding, simon amstell, russell brand<3. animal rights
activist. borderline vegetarian. (un)cool kid.famous friends;
jeaniebeaniewow, can't you tell i'm popular? maybe my friends are the uncool ones for being addicted to myspace. earn what you get;
design: pure:HS daily blogbasecodes: detonatedlove image: photobucket your links here. best times of our lives;
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