Sometimes I wonder why it's so easy to love the ones who have hurt you and hate the ones who have been nothing but wonderful to you. We love the ones who hurt us and hate the ones who love us. It's a vicious fucking cycle.

I've realized lately that I need to lower my standards. So many great guys have come into my life that had potential with me. But when they do one fucking thing wrong, well, you can forget that. I hate guys who pay for me. I hate guys who pull out my chair. I hate guys who like to cuddle. I hate guys who call me/text me everyday. I hate guys who call me baby or hunny. I hate guys who compliment me.

What does that leave room for? Guys who only want sex. Guys who cheat on me. Guys who tell me I need to lose weight. Guys who ruin my self-esteem. Guys who show me no love. Guys who prefer their friends over me.

Do I want that? No. But it is impossible to find that perfect balance of asshole and nice guy.

Actually, I take that back. Rikki? HE was the perfect guy. Absolutely perfect. Not always nice but not a huge prick either. Gave me space but made me happy when we were around eachother. Annoying but adorable. Only called me once a day instead of 12. Absolutely beautiful. Perfect.

I miss him. I want him back more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.