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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Well, the way you pulled the fuzzies from my sweater doesn't make up for the times you let me sink into the floor. And the lies you told to make me feel all better? They didn't work, so please don't tell me anymore.I'm so sick of talking about you. I really am. I'm so sick of staying up too late because I can't get your face out of my mind. I'm so sick of wanting to repair things with you over my best fucking friend. I'm so sick of thinking of the things you've said to me. I'm so sick of being jealous of any girl you give a second look. I'm so sick of crying every time my family asks me if I "have a boyfriend". I'm so sick of being a creep and saving your photos on my iPod. I'm so sick of you. I wanted to end the new year on a good note, but I'm not going to. Not with knowing you'll probably be somewhere else with someone else thinking about something else. Fuck it. Monday, December 29, 2008
 Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a jealous person. Because it fucking sucks. It really fucking does. It sucks seeing the guy I think I might love hang all over girls who could barely be considered sloppy seconds. And maybe it should make me feel better knowing that I'm better-looking than all of them and a lot less sleazy. But I can't let him go. Not yet. Not until someone comes along who makes me forget his last fucking name. I wish I had never apologized to him. Now I know that whenever I see him next, I'll just fall in love all over again. I'm reading Posing In A Ballroom. It kinda reminds me that everyone has a secret, you know? How you can look at someone at a restaurant or at the market who looks completely, 100% normal, but they could have one secret. One that would make you change your whole outlook on them. They could be prostitutes. They could be a man disguised as a woman. They could have terminal cancer and drop dead at any day. Who fucking knows. I've just learned not to be quick to judge. I've also realized how much I depend on my friends for my sanity. Especially my Filipino goodfuck. I depend on her more than anyone else tbh. But my other friends also. It's kinda disheartening that I can't manage to be happy on my own, but it's comforting to know I have enough trust in my friends to put such a burden on them, lmao. Myles told me I was a cutie. Hahahah. Every rule about internet safety just flew out the goddamn window. I just got the weird compulsion to listen to TAI... You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink. Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist... Sunday, December 28, 2008
 Sometimes I wonder why it's so easy to love the ones who have hurt you and hate the ones who have been nothing but wonderful to you. We love the ones who hurt us and hate the ones who love us. It's a vicious fucking cycle. I've realized lately that I need to lower my standards. So many great guys have come into my life that had potential with me. But when they do one fucking thing wrong, well, you can forget that. I hate guys who pay for me. I hate guys who pull out my chair. I hate guys who like to cuddle. I hate guys who call me/text me everyday. I hate guys who call me baby or hunny. I hate guys who compliment me. What does that leave room for? Guys who only want sex. Guys who cheat on me. Guys who tell me I need to lose weight. Guys who ruin my self-esteem. Guys who show me no love. Guys who prefer their friends over me. Do I want that? No. But it is impossible to find that perfect balance of asshole and nice guy. Actually, I take that back. Rikki? HE was the perfect guy. Absolutely perfect. Not always nice but not a huge prick either. Gave me space but made me happy when we were around eachother. Annoying but adorable. Only called me once a day instead of 12. Absolutely beautiful. Perfect. I miss him. I want him back more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
 I used to have one of these things when I was like, eleven. As I read back on it, I realize that I was stupid and childish and really had nothing to write about. But at the time, that didn't matter, because I was a child. Sometimes, I'm glad I'm past that and I finally have a [somewhat] reasonable outlook on life. But other times, I look back, and I wonder where that time went. I look back and I can't remember the last time I was care-free like I was then. The last time I had that innocence. And it's kinda scary because every second I grow closer to death and for the last two years I've wasted away in front of this computer, rotting. I need a change but how to get it, I've never been sure. Maybe I'm just lazy. I don't need sympathy. Take the good with the bad.
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forever young;
my name is lauren. just a kid. not unique, just unusual. bandom fangirl. hypochondriac. afraid of moths. southern you'd like to fuck (;. fall out boy. can piss in under 20 seconds. d.o.b.; january 2nd. html whiz.
caffeine addict. single, uninterested. livejournaler, facebooker, myspacer, tumblr'r, blogger, neopeter. plays piano and clarinet like a motherbitch. noel fielding, simon amstell, russell brand<3. animal rights
activist. borderline vegetarian. (un)cool kid.famous friends;
jeaniebeaniewow, can't you tell i'm popular? maybe my friends are the uncool ones for being addicted to myspace. earn what you get;
design: pure:HS daily blogbasecodes: detonatedlove image: photobucket your links here. best times of our lives;
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